I'm thinking of throwing in the towel. I'm pretty sure AF is here. Every month, its just another reminder that I'm having trouble having a baby. It's stressing me out... I'm unhappy, Scott's unhappy. I want a baby, but at this point, I don't know if I want to try anymore.
I'm so angry! We weren't even trying to get pregnant, and then I got the BFP. Then 12 days later, it was gone. Seriously, TWELVE DAYS?! I didn't even get a chance to REALLY know what being pregnant is all about. I just don't understand how some women can have a m/c, and get pregnant the very next month. And then some have to wait forever! And I kind of wonder if it's even worth it... hell, I'll probably just miscarry again. I feel like this is payback for something. I feel like this is nature's way of saying, SCREW YOU! I just wish I knew what I did in my 25 years that warranted losing a baby, and then not being able to get pregnant again!
I know, I know. That's not fair. I need to count my blessings instead of cursing nature for my problems. I just don't know why my life can't be even just a LITTLE BIT easier. Something's always going wrong... something's always happening. Every single day, I have a reason to be unhappy. If it's not one thing, its another. Or, lets talk about how DF hurt his shoulder last month. Then I ended up with a yeast infection. Then I got a chest cold. Then he got it. Then his starter went out in his car. Then I jammed my finger, and was barely able to type or play piano. (Mind you--I type at my full time job and teach piano lessons after work. My sources of income depend on my hands!) Now, today, I have the worst sinus headache possible, and I'm pretty sure AUNT FREAKING FLO is knocking on my door.
Can't I just be NORMAL? Someone told me once, "You always have something going on with you." She said it with a rude undertone... I got mad at the time, but you know what?? SHE'S RIGHT! I can't ever have a seemingly NORMAL day. Something is ALWAYS going on.
::sigh:: Yep. Thinking about throwing in the towel. I just don't know if I can mentally handle it anymore.