I'm thinking.

I'm thinking of throwing in the towel. I'm pretty sure AF is here. Every month, its just another reminder that I'm having trouble having a baby. It's stressing me out... I'm unhappy, Scott's unhappy. I want a baby, but at this point, I don't know if I want to try anymore.

I'm so angry! We weren't even trying to get pregnant, and then I got the BFP. Then 12 days later, it was gone. Seriously, TWELVE DAYS?! I didn't even get a chance to REALLY know what being pregnant is all about. I just don't understand how some women can have a m/c, and get pregnant the very next month. And then some have to wait forever! And I kind of wonder if it's even worth it... hell, I'll probably just miscarry again. I feel like this is payback for something. I feel like this is nature's way of saying, SCREW YOU! I just wish I knew what I did in my 25 years that warranted losing a baby, and then not being able to get pregnant again!

I know, I know. That's not fair. I need to count my blessings instead of cursing nature for my problems. I just don't know why my life can't be even just a LITTLE BIT easier. Something's always going wrong... something's always happening. Every single day, I have a reason to be unhappy. If it's not one thing, its another. Or, lets talk about how DF hurt his shoulder last month. Then I ended up with a yeast infection. Then I got a chest cold. Then he got it. Then his starter went out in his car. Then I jammed my finger, and was barely able to type or play piano. (Mind you--I type at my full time job and teach piano lessons after work. My sources of income depend on my hands!) Now, today, I have the worst sinus headache possible, and I'm pretty sure AUNT FREAKING FLO is knocking on my door.

Can't I just be NORMAL? Someone told me once, "You always have something going on with you." She said it with a rude undertone... I got mad at the time, but you know what?? SHE'S RIGHT! I can't ever have a seemingly NORMAL day. Something is ALWAYS going on.

::sigh:: Yep. Thinking about throwing in the towel. I just don't know if I can mentally handle it anymore.

Sorry for my absence

We have had so many things going on at work, I am going absolutely and completely NUTS! AF was due on the 14th. She is a no-show. I still haven't tested... I'm waiting until the 18th, if she doesn't show before then.

I guess I would just rather see AF show than another BFN. I really didn't think I had a chance of catching the eggie this month... but maybe I was wrong? I dont know. I really dont want to get my hopes up, so I'm just waiting until the 18th. I'm standing my ground here. NO peeing on sticks until then.

You know, Aunt Flo is an ugly whore. I hate her. I really hope she doesn't screw me up this month; I'll be pretty pissed.

Anyway, sorry for the short post. I'll get back into my routine soon; I promise.